So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
