I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
