Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
