I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
