i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize