in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
