do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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