Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
i need some magic done to my vagina
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
there is glitter all over my balls
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