Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Randomize
