There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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