At least make sure they are 18
Why
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
