he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
