It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
