Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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