I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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