Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
