Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
