Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
