I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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