Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
