dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
