So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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