Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize