I like my sex mixed with concussions.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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