Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
