We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
