Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
