Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
