I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
