He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
