lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
