I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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