He asked to "fluff my boner.."
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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