2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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