I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
