i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
