non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
