I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize