Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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