I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
