on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
