Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Im just a social blackout drinker.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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