the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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