She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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