Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
