her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
