Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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