I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
