she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He? As in you personified your dick?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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