my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
