i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
you mean i was at the winter classic?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
