I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
