Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
