i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
