it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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