Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
