It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
