plz talk dirty to me
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm passing your future prison.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
last night I used snow as a chaser
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
