My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
