Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
