I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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