Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Randomize
