I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize