The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
