The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
