Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My vagina just clenched in fear
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize