i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize