EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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