His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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